I just wanna share how I feel. In fact, how ugly I feel. It’s not really a question of “who will be the ugliest of us” but…
I wanna scream my heart out about how ugly I feel daily, wheter I’m looking at myself in a mirror or not. This feeling is ALWAYS following me.
I feel like I’m repulsive, I don’t understand. And it gets worse each day, or whenever I see someone else, whoever it is. I can’t hold it. I can’t stand it.
Sometimes I think I deserve to be that ugly, as I have always been the ugliest child between us 4. Mom, dad, I don’t take any of you for responsible but I think this was quite unfair. You gave all to the others.
I never get noticed, I’m always the one who gets mocked by everyone, I just wanna understand. My ugliness should not be a valuable reason.
I’m tired. Tired to be what I am. Lots of people already told me “but you’re modelling, how can you feel ugly if you’re a model !”
Just that being a model IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE feeling beautiful !
I’m tired of crying in front of a mirror. I’m tired of crying avoiding the mirrors at the same time. Tired to fear facing anyone in the streets or at work. Enough.
I know that everything is not a matter of beauty BUT… it’s the very first thing you notice about someone. This is why I’m alone and this may be the reason I’ll be forever unsuccessful in everything I do (and the fact that I’m stupid, but that’s another thing).
Im tired to appear strong, even arrogant sometimes (basing on what people already told about me) in front of other people while in fact I’m just afraid of judgement.
Sometimes, really I wish I had the courage to kill myself to end this feeling. Most of people who surround me won’t understand my feeling because they’re the ones who don’t know what being ugly is. I do. And it hurts so bad. You would ask me why am I so much into this… It’s just because I grew up being the ugly one, the “you should be like your brother” or the “your brother is so cute” or “I’ll never get with you, did you see your face ?” and such nice other sentences.
I’m fed up with all this. Pissed off. I can’t bear it anymore. I don’t wanna shed any more tear. The only way to stop it is to die. I’m too coward to do it by myself. If an angel listens to me now, I pray him to hep me close my eyes once for all.
getting sick of this life, not because i’m depressed, or suffering from my own personal demons, but because this world
look aroundhas got soo shit, it’s just full of hate.. and love of money.. we’ve turned into a world of cunts who crave money and power, nothing else matters, how can anyone see this world as beautiful